Archive for April, 2009

Directive 000-002: Regarding “Tea Parties”

Posted in Uncategorized on 2009April16 by The Director

Coverage of any events yesterday should be light to nonexistant.

Despite it being the due date of Federal and State tax returns, no out-of-the-ordinary events took place.  Early rumors of civil protests (clearly led by Karl Rove and Glen Beck) turned out to be unfounded. At various locations around the nation, small groups of Right Wing Extremists attempted to agitate, but their efforts were futile. Coverage of said agitation is optional, and must strike a properly derisive tone.

President Obama, properly, took no notice of any such non-existant events.


Directive 000-001 – Appropriate Terminology

Posted in Uncategorized on 2009April15 by The Director

Henceforth, all instances of the words “America”, “American, United States”, and the like will be replaced with the words “Obama” or “President Obama” wherever grammatically sensible.

For example, the phrase “Anti-American activities” should be changed to “Anti-Obama activities.”

This change will serve to emphasize the unity of the country under President Obama, as well as the unity of the country WITH President Obama.

Thank you for your cooperation.