Archive for July, 2009

Directive 000-006 – Sarah Palin

Posted in Uncategorized on 2009July16 by The Director

The Organization has identified Sarah Palin as the most immediate threat to our plans, and to our continued hold on power. This attractive, charismatic woman is unique among the Opposition in her ability to connect with and catalyze the rabble. Despite the enormous groundwork that was done during the election to discredit her, she remains popular.

As the communications arm of The Organization, we expect you to do your part to neutralize Mrs. Palin. Articles discussing her will be most effective if they include the following features:

  1. Mention of her sex appeal. Ideally, this should be done in a derisive or diminutizing way. References to her as looking “slutty,” “naughty,” “MILFy,” or the like are fair game, as are speculations about her specific sexual proclivities. Since ordinarily this sort of thing would be frowned upon, you may want to be ready with an excuse: Since Palin is a conservative Christian, she must, therefore, think sex is bad. Thus the very fact of her having sex appeal is an act of hypocrisy.
  2. Mention of her accent. While most Americans have grown accustomed to southern accents, the upper mid-western accent is still something of a novelty (e.g. the success of the movie “Fargo” prompted many to imitate the Minnesota accents of its characters).
  3. Reinforcement of Narrative items such as her statement that she can see Russia from her house, and that she believes that humans and dinosaurs existed at the same time.
  4. Speculation about possible reasons for her resignation of the Governership of Alaska.
  5. Discussion of derisive things said about her by McCain campaign personnel and Republican “leaders”.
  6. Discussion of Alaska as being unrepresentative of America as a whole.

NOTE: After the David Letterman incident, it is suggest that you exercise care when referring to her family. That said, mention of her daughter’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy is permissible.

As always, when discussing her statements and/or ideas, be sure to use terms such as “extreme,” “far-right” and the like. (This should be old hat for those of you experienced in covering Opposition personnel.


Message from the Director

Posted in Uncategorized on 2009July13 by The Director

Greetings, colleagues.

As you have no doubt noticed, the website of the Directorate has taken a brief hiatus. Without revealing too much, I can tell you that this has been due to certain internal restructuring in light of the President’s slipping poll numbers.

I don’t have to tell you that the sine qua non of this administration is message control. If we are going to accomplish our goals, we MUST exercise discipline over the message. Lately, it seems as though the Narrative has developed a few cracks. This will not do.

The restructuring of the Directorate has resolved the internal problems, but we need you – the street-level media personnel – to redouble your efforts.

Remember: Praise begets access, and access begets bylines. It’s that simple.